♥~ Prayers ~♥

well its been a sad week or 2 I have seen a few families get the new that their child has Cancer, has relapsed and on top of that a few have lost the fight Young and Old
My thoughts are with all these Families and Pray we find that Cure and Miracle soon♥

I would like to ask a favour of anyone reading this from anywhere in the world to visit this young Ladies page and wish her well she is pinning everyone on a map to see how many she can get from the US but also well anywhere in the world, just read her page to hear how she is going and pray love and strength to miss Skye and her Loving family ♥ then Sign her guest book to let her know where you are from ♥


Skye ♥


 ok note from us Miss Robyn is now wearing Undies every day and nappies only at Night still having accidents but we have just bit the bullet and followed her lead   "About Time" I say hehe she is a little lazy and well after Miss Alex dealing with what we have why not she has had to watch her sister be strong and well not a good thing for a toddler well now she is a pre-school-er ♥

In Memory of My Dad♥

in Memory of My dad he was found on the 1st July and I was looking through some things trying to find a poem and found these photos and the poem below

this is Alex and her Grandfather in Feb 2005 she was 7.5 months old

one photo is also the last one of Me with My dad ♥

and the poem we used at his funeral

Miss me - But let me go 

when I have come to the end of the road,

and the sun has set for me,

I want no rites in a gloom filled room,

why cry for a soul set free?


Miss me a little-but not too long,
And not with your head bowed low,
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss Me - but let me go.




for this is a journey that we all must take,
and each must go it alone,
it's all a part of the master plan,

a step on the road to home.


When you are lonely and sick of heart
go to the friends we know
and lose your sorrows

in doing good deeds

Miss me - but let me go


in memory of My dad


H F Crabb


11/01/1940-22/06/2009


we have school holidays at the moment 2 weeks, so Alex is enjoying Time at Home with Mummy and Robyn ♥
tomorrow Robyn has Pre-school ( Child care) she goes every wednesday so it is my me day to get things done like Hospital trips etc and tomorrow Alex and I are just going to Hang out hehe♥ next week 7th july its Hospital for Port flush and then 28th July. CT scan and Oncologist Visit

Its winter here and getting Cold for Sunny Queensland Brrr was down to 0 last night and 4 tonight so far, will be 18 tomorrow.

☆ Stress !!!!!! ☆

^I^The Partial Lunar Eclipse on Saturday Night^I^

STRESS!!! and Blues

I have been speaking to a counselor from Cancer council as I have the Cancer Blues sort of depression. I do not wish harm on anyone even myself but I do Blame myself for having Cancer in my family. plus I have other issues like the "What if"  "Why" and of cause "What Next" plus others that go through my head that I can not answer even now.

STRESS  -  we all have it at one time or another, sometimes more than others too and then there are the Triggers... as a cancer mum I have heaps and have been going through them one at a time this last 2 months

Anniversaries -  are a big Trigger, all of them like surgery, Radiation, the death and disappearance of my dad, diagnosis date, they have all happened over the last few months and do make you sad and stressed as you remember then the think patern starts doing silly things.
plus when someone we know loses a loved one be it for any reason then also the Cancer Kids that get diagnosed or lose the fight these too set off the stress and blues.  must say it has been good to talk to the counciler about these things she is happy I am trying most things as I feel it coming on plus I have a wonderful Husband who also is suffering in silence but lets me know when I am getting bad ♥ 

I have been working on controlling these outbreaks with things like meditation, breathing, changing my chain of thought and getting out when I can (Belly Dancing hehe) which do help I also am a Face book addict as I get on my farm and just go for it without thinking of the things we are dealing with. I also follow a few Families on this site Blogger.com or Caring-Bridge.com which I have been told is good due to we are all dealing with similar things so understand each other and we are a good support network, most of my support is online and half are Over seas. but I do have a few close friends standing by me when I need that shoulder or just someone to talk too. 

 I so pray to see a cure one day soon for this and so many other battles our Children go through and I am just Happy I have my 2 girls here to Hug Tight every Night and know tomorrow is unknown grounds but we just need to keep going forward and make the most of what we have enjoy it for what it is and treasure every minute

 I finally got a laminator and have laminated the Newspaper clipping with difficulty as the laminator hated doing it Grrr and also some other things like flash cards for reading etc, I also have Alex's Hair I want to do this special so trying to make a template for it to back it up ☺ ...I have her First Hair Cut in late 06 when I trimmed her fringe plus 07 her first real haircut, plus when we cut it short after Chemo started April 09 so will be something to look back on may use her hand Print or something ☺

Hug your Children Tight ♥♥♥

♥~ Sadness ~♥

well have just been following another family on their journey and well was sad to read this morning that Miss Ellie got her angel Wings ( I must ad though I am happy she is no longer suffering and in pain) this strong young lady Is an inspiration to us all with the battle she has faught I send Love and strength to her family now in the sad days ahead♥

I also wish strength and Love plus a Miracle for Miss Skye as she battles her beast and they wait to see what next now that they have no further options Miss Skye is also a Wilms Warrior so this is close to us being on the same battle in sorts ♥


This week has been hard as on tuesday I had Dad's 1st yr pass and OMG it is still so painfull to think about he didnt Suffer cancer but to drown is not something to have happen you can read about what happened in June last yr from  missing person on, we still have no answers as to what actually happened but we will never know now I guess. he was a strength for me always asking how his Granddaughter is going  (Both actually but worried about Alex with Cancer) 

OK I sit here in tears now but they are of Love and sadness together for those that have lost and those fighting this battle "YOUNG AND OLD"  May we see a Cancer free world soon Pray for new testings and treatments as most even the one alex had is 30+ yrs old and well is knows to help but is Not a cure :(


Hugs Your Children Tight and embrace the Love you have NOW

What to say!!! Me Babbling again I guess.

well today Alex sang with her class again at Prime time in the school Church she was so into it I could see her wiggling in the back row to the music ♥  Robyn was also good that she did not scream the church down like some days but she didn't sit still and well what 3 yr old will sit still. the Photo is of the class and Alex is at the back with her name etc above her head for all to see, I also got to talk to some one about the school uniforms as she will not wear it as it makes her itch and well warmth is an issue so I bought a pair of stubbies and if I get in trouble so be it but her health is on the top of MY LIST

we all have colds even with flu shots (swine only as the Dr didnt want to risk Alex with seasonal)  ARGH and Alex starts School Holidays next Friday so she will enjoy 2 weeks at home with Mum and Robyn when she is not at Pre-school as the Child Care center she goes to doesn't close over school holidays,

we have a Hospital trip on the 7th july but it is just for port access as it must be flushed every 6 week I have now been told due to her having some issues last few times, so nothing stressful but 3 weeks after that we have her CT scan which I still pray is NO CHANGE!!! on the 28th July this is after Alex has her 6th Birthday woohoo and we get to celebrate this yr as we are home with no treatment etc :) we are probably just doing a small family thing and a small get together with all alex's Friends from School, she so wants everyone to come lol but not sure think it will be small.

not much else is happening here though Robyn is slowly Toilet training but she likes to cause Chaos too so I am not going to stress or push her til she is 100% happy to go  we are dry most days and well that is a start but she is also still Breastfeeding at 3.5 yrs and that has finally cut back to 1-2 a day so getting their with Baby steps.

we are now 12 month since Radiation "10th June to 1st July 09" so another Aniversary  for Alex's Treatment but I have been very down of late and this is due to My Dad he went Missing on the 22nd June 09 and was found on the 1st I was busy with the Radiation etc at the RCH that I could not fully grip dad's issues til later and am still finding it hard to relate to I have My Daughter's yes both to keep me focused at the time but now I am reflecting and wishing I could have done more,

R.I.P Dad you will always be in my heart and Memories and I wish you had met Robyn and seen alex again before you passed on, hope you are happy now with Mum ♥

Prayers to all battling this Beast called Cancer and those families that need it now,

Horsing Around

Alex watching Trooper and Robyn

"getting back to Normal living"  well its as normal as we will see so I have said we will enjoy everything special that we can and not take even small precious moments for granted.

well the title is correct hehe we did get to Horse around
we had a normal day as a Family doing something special
We got invited to have a Ride on a horse ( Alex called it a pony ride til we got there and met Trooper)
the girls had a ball and I now know where I can go for a ride some day soon as it has been 10 yrs since my last ride and 20 since I owned a horse this is my life now but to know I can get a ride occasionally is special for me but I didn't Ride today I could have but we all got to talking and the farm owner's MIL was very Ill and has been fighting Cancer for over 5 yrs so we all understood alot of what they are feeling they did say it is different when its a child but its still a dreaded disease CANCER!!!! she is not expected to see the next week out so I was sad for his wife. the Girl who owns Trooper is adjusting him on their farm she has 2 boys and we have 2 girls so she knows what a family life is like Busy Busy Busy  

** a week ago I was given a DVD called Curing Cancer and I was reluctant to watch it but as the woman asked me about it I decided to bite the bullet and watch ( wish I had not as it opens doors I have been Hiding behind like what cancer treatment can do later on and that it is not a cure etc and blaming the system for not looking for a better way to battle this, I do Know diet can help in so many ways but also Know that they are talking adult cancer that is environmentally a trigger but how can a child that like this said 10 yrs to develop cancer, get it before they are even half that, sorry I will not say more but will add that I have started to change the whole families Diet for more Fruit and Veg and less processed foods even before watching this as it is better for us all not what it can do for Alex but she is a part of my decission too **

physio appointment and feet casting

Today we headed in to the RCH, yet another trip into Brisbane and this kills us due to fuel etc but we get by ( no funding to help us here as we are just under the 50km hospital to hospital we are a little further but that is how they assess it, we ended up closing the Xmas account as needed money for the 2 trips will re-open after Xmas now :(  ) I had to find the place as it is in the surf Building like DEM is but as its day time could walk through the hospital not around hehe, was not hard to find and we waited for Ann-Marie  to see us, she had got the ortho as well from The RBWH (Royal Brisbane Women's RCH, RBWH & RBH are all next to each other and sort of joined ) they where happy that Alex was not as bad as some kids get after Chemo etc but she definitely has slap-foot just 1 of the 2 signs, so a cast was taken as she is smaller than the inserts they have in stock so they make them to fit the smaller ones, if all goes well will be able to pick up the inserts tomorrow if not in a week or 2, Alex got scared as they made the casts wrapping her feet in plaster hehe she was good though, we will be reviewed again at a later date to make sure she is getting better, while up there I grabbed the 4 Camp Quality Jumpers we got and OMG are they huge 2 at size 3XL and Alex size 8 Robyn Size 4 well the only one that fits is the 4 and it fits Alex ROFL, the 3XL is down to my knee's and very Cossie hehe so will see what I do may gift them ???
Alex was a little upset as her Prep class have a school excursion today too she missed but its not something they have been learning so that is good she is inviting all her friends for her birthday I think it is sweet she has friends this year and can have a party we are just doing a small thing something princess fairies and pirates for the boys I guess lol will have to sit down and see what I can drag together hehe have a few weeks to go


Tomorrow we will be back in at the RCH for the Flu shot as Alex is getting the seasonal shot and Robyn the H1N1 she is under 5 so can not get the seasonal one plus I have to pay for her to have it but Alex is High risk so gets it anyway. both girls hate needles but this is one of many ahead for Alex now she is cleared to start her Immunization  updates thanks Chemo for wiping them and not looking forward to having her get them all again I so feel like a bad Mother for doing this to her :( but it will be good for us due to I will have peace of mind in knowing she is safe from some childhood illness's that they prevent, and with her at school hopefully not miss to much this year other than the appointment days etc :)


Edit to add:-  just called the hospital about immunizations etc as Alex is 5 almost 6 and she was to have the seasonal flu shot but now is just having the standard H1N1 shot as she is young plus higher risk so not getting seasonal shot now am glad I called and asked about that ( it does pay to be a pushy mother when your child's health is at stake I feel bad sometimes but seams I am doing well to follow my instincts even from the first signs I picked it up )  "if I had known this last week I could have got them done locally as this one is free to all but as I am booked in and have a immunization schedule to pick up will just bite the bullet and drive back to Brisbane"


Hug your Children close and pray for those fighting this battle ♥

test run and More (photos ♥)

OK this was originally posted from my Phone so if I EVER need too (and I hope I do not need to) I can post from anywhere

but thought I would just add some Photos from yesterday's Park day the Girls enjoyed the day out in the fresh air its cool but still sunny this winter :)

good to get out and have fun with out the added stress of treatment etc that usually follows but am hoping that scans stay No Change and we get told Remission in the future

updated with a slide from Photobucket 

small update

Monday the 31st May-  I got the call to say we have the  appointment with the Physio/ortho about Alex's feet and walking issues on the 9th June,  will see what they do then about some of her walking and feet issues so looks like more travel to RCH but hey they do a wonderful Job with everyone up there and I do prefer to go there than the local hospital as they are not really good with Children with cancer etc.
also  Monday  31st May- I got a new windscreen in my car as it had a chip and was slowly spreading this was free with our insurance so that was good. had to wait around all day though and then a quick trip to school for Alex. the tape was left on for a few hours but now have a nice ned window to see through service next and so glad we have still got good tires something I am happy not to buy til required.  the car needs to be road worthy for us at all times  Bike to as I need the car to do school runs etc!!! good thing The Bike is cheap to run  just not for services or repairs lol

Alex had her school Photos taken today too so am looking forward to seeing them ( even though they are through Pixi!!!) its her first school photo so will be good to send family etc :)  plus our first pro photo of her since before cancer hit.

have been a little but off lately asking Why and what next but think we just need to keep focus on wher to from here One Day at a Time and stay Positive about how well are all are doing and how we kjust want to see the NO CHANGE on future scans 6 months out now so still early days but saying that we must keep moving forward.  I am looking into all I can do to get the word out about Childhood Cancers as I see so much about adult but their are TOO MANY kids gettin sick or lossing this battle and as it is close to home am thinking of doing something that I can donate the money back to childhood cancer research still in my head but will always do what I can even small things add up and one day hope to see less to No Children suffering

Oh and did a shuffle on my music Alex loves the Shrek song Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen song) so its the First one Just for her :) ♥

The Chosen Mothers and Walking On The Edge Of Life

Hi 
     Found this poem at a wilms' Mothers website
     Just wanted to share

The Chosen Mothers

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become a mother by

accident, some by choice

and a few by habit. Did you ever

wonder how mother's of

children with life threatening

illnesses are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering

over earth

selecting His instruments for

progagation with great care and

deliberation. As He observes, He

instructs His angels

to make notes in a giant ledger.......

"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew"

Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia"

Rutledge, Carrie, twins, partron saint Greard."
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give

her a child with cancer." The angel is curious. "Why this

one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer

a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel,

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will

drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and

resentment wears off, she will handle it."

"I watched her today," said God. "She has that feeling

of self-independence that is so rare and necessary in a mother.

You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world.

She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she believes in you," said the angel.

"No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just

enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child
occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is the woman I will bless

with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet,

but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for

granted. She will never consider a single step

ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see....ignorance,

cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them.""And what about her patron saint" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.God smiles and says..."A mirror will suffice."

this one from a childs point ov view ♥

Walking On The Edge Of Life
© Lorna Mahan


The world keeps moving forward
as time stands still for me,
I am the kid with Cancer,
locked in battle to be free.
For all us kids on chemo
our lives are put on hold,
As we fight to stay alive,
our chances good were told.
Our attitude is courage
we live this life each day,
Just waiting for tomorrow,
praying cancer goes away.
Walking on the edge of life
We’re never looking down,
United here in front of you,
until a cure is found.




Fight For Life
© Lorna Mahan


Fight For Life
Storms of life are strong enough
without cancer stepping in,
Came creeping through the back door
just counting on a win.
Engaging you in battle
we firmly stand our ground,
Armed with courage, faith and hope,
our child's life we surround..
This fight rages day and night
the will to surivive is strong,
We will never surrender
In our lives you don't belong.
Prepare yourself to lose this time
our child's life you won't take,
This is a fight you will not win
Cancer, make no mistake!